For Better or For Worse

"Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate."

-Barnett R. Brickner

As Excited as I am to get married, I'm not going to lie, I'm also scared as hell. Even though I already live with Colby, getting married is going to be such a big transaction. I'm not scared because I think I'm making the wrong decision (which I'm not), I'm scared because there are SO many marriages that fail. I'm talking about people I do know, and people I don't. I wonder if people actually think about their vows before and even after they say them. FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE. Think about it. You are not only making a promise to your spouse, but to God as well. That is a big, BIG commitment. Its scary because in making these vows, you know there is going to be a "better" as well as a "worse". You are going into marriage knowing there will be some really bad, rough, horrible times. And yet you vow to stay with them, which is how it should be, but I can imagine how hard it must be. So many people just give up, surrender, and get out of the situation. How awful, and how heartbreaking! I'm not scared Colby and I will get a divorce one day, I'm scared for the rough times that are ahead. Laying in bed last night I was thinking of the traditional vows and it was the first time I actually fully comprehended what they were saying. We plan on writing our own vows anyway, but it still really made me think. I am going in to this scared for the "worse" times, but really excited about the "better". If that makes sense. It does to me, and thats really all that matters.

Devon

Making This For Me

I think part of the reason I don't blog as much as I used to (even though that wasn't very much to begin with) is because I would usually post the link on facebook, which isn't bad at all, except I think when I do that I also filter my thought. As if I was writing to please other people than myself. So maybe every now and then I will post the link on facebook if I feel I wont be judged or offend anyone, but other than that I will mostly write for my own benefit, and if you follow me then great, I suppose I will write for you too.

School starts next week and I can't decide if I am excited about it or sad about it. Of course I'm sad summer is over, but I also have more to be sad about. When I am finished with this semester I will graduate, which is awesome, but it also means that (duh!) I am being pushed into the real world. Yes it is a part of life, with many open doors and opportunities, but it is also a lot of goodbyes. Goodbye to summer vacations, sleeping in, seeing friends on weekends (when we move) and so much more. Pretty much, goodbye to being.. for the most part, carefree. BUT, it is also a very exciting time. Because after I graduate I get married! Which you all know, so I wont write about that today. It is also exciting because it means I accomplished something that I have wanted for as long as I can remember, and that I have worked on for four and a half years! I wont have to wait tables if I don't want to anymore (but I probably will while I'm in grad school, just because it will be easier to go to school and work that way)! Getting my bachelors is just the first step though, I still have many hurdles to jump over. Does that analogy make sense? It does to me.

This has been a very relaxed summer, I didn't go on many trips, but I did go on one good one, to Cozumel! I'll post pictures in another blog when we get the ones from snorkeling developed.

Thats it for now, I have more to write about, believe it or not, but I will wait until next time when I tell you another future goal for myself: to write a book.

Devon

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On My Mind

Who sucks at keeping up with this thing? I DO! I imagined during the summer I would blog more since I have more time, but I really don't spend that much time on the computer! Anyway, I'll try to be interesting and catch you up.

Out of everything that is going on the thing that I'm most excited about is that I GOT MY WEDDING DRESS!! Its perfect! I was lucky enough to get one that fits perfectly without having to be altered! Except get it shorter, but I think just about everyone has to get that part altered. But I just love love love it! Its hard not showing Colby because I show him everything I buy, but I'm not going to give in! He doesn't want to see it yet anyway, so that helps!

Also, I SOLD MY CAR! I got way more than I thought I would for it, thank goodness, so I'm paying off my credit card! Woohoo!! I haven't had that thing paid off since I got it (bad, I know).

Lets see, what else? Right now I'm currently mad at Obama or whoever is in charge of the Pell Grant for financial aid because I just found out that this semester I'm only going to get $400! Which REALLY sucks! I usually get over $2000, so this is a big big change. I guess I got lucky though because this semester I'll only need to take two classes, so I wont be out too much. But still. Hopefully I'll get a scholarship from my mom's work again and wont have to be out anything! Lets hope!

Now, on to more personal thoughts! I know I blog a lot about my friends, but they are a big part of my life and I like writing about them! I seriously have amazing friends and BRIDESMAIDS! They are helping me with wedding stuff SO MUCH! I would be a lost little puppy without them! But, with the good always comes the bad. I have some "friends" who really aren't friends at all. I just don't understand some people. If I don't like you, then I wont be your friend or act like it. Its the only reasonable thing to do. So why do some people claim to be your friend, but in all reality don't like you at all? Its just dumb. MAN UP. Its annoying, and very immature. Bitching about this may also seem petty, but see how you feel when you find out the things that I have. Getting this off my chest really helps me put things into perspective. I seriously do more than I should for some people, and in return I get nothing. I waste my time and my money, which really pisses me off. So not only am I hurt, I am angry as well. So thats that. I will take the good friends I do have, and discard the bad.

End rant.

OH OH OH! I can't believe I forgot! Colby's dad is being so generous by taking us and his brother, Hunter, on a vacation! And by vacation I don't mean the lake, I mean a week stay at an all-inclusive resort! We're looking into places, and right now it seems it will be Cozumel. I'm so excited!! I've never been to a resort or a tropical area so I'm so stocked! I'm sure Colby is tired of me asking him questions on if we've booked it yet! We're going in the beginning of August! I know Mexico isn't safe right now, but from what I've been told Cozumel is a safe enough area. I'll have three guys there to protect me though :)

I guess thats enough for now. There is more on my mind, but I feel like I've typed enough for today. I'll try not to suck so bad at this!

Devon

Michelle..& other ramblings

Sometimes I read people's post and I think..."Wow, you CANNOT be writing this for you! You are totally trying to write this to seem articulate or smart (or "deep"..depends how you take it..) or something! I mean seriously, ANYONE can use a thesaurus!" Heck, I used shift f7 (which brings up a list of better words than your own) on the majority of my papers, giving me a slightly better vocabulary than the next person, who did not know my trick. But still! I understand people blog for their own reason, but SERIOUSLY!

That may seem so out of focus, but at least I didn't look up proper grammar online! Its sad I started my blog complaining, since that was not at all my intention, but I read someone's (who shall remain nameless) that just got my blood flowing! And honestly their blog had good grammar and all, it was just annoying. Yeah I'm speaking in a hateful matter, I realize that. But God will take that up with me, back off.

These days I find it SO hard to find sincere people. I know more than half (of you 11 followers..) agree. It sucks so bad that you have your best friend in high school and you think y'all will hang out (or at least talk) every day, but of course that doesn't happen. Then you make new friends, but none of them compare. Those of you who know me know exactly who I am talking about. Michelle.

I am SO mad at myself that we are not as close as I have always imagined we would be. I don't blame me, or her, but rather time and maturity. That is not to say one of us is more mature, because deep down I think we will always be the same in that aspect, but I seriously think it was the process of growing up and finding ourselves apart from one another that separated us, and made us into the women we are to become. But now there is NOTHING more that I want than to go back, or at least pick up, where we left off. It is a scary thing, really. It is almost like establishing a new friendship, because we have missed so much! Wouldn't it be nice if we never even lost touch? And I don't think either one of us even realized it! If so, I think (and really, truly hope) that we would have put a stop to it. But that is enough of my whining and complaining, wishing and dwelling on the past. I am on to bigger and better things. Getting my best friend back, and living the life I have ALWAYS wanted...and deserved. I don't want my friends now who are reading this to become upset or hurt with my sudden need for having Michelle back in my life. I don't want them thinking they are not good enough, because my friends now are WONDERFUL friends, but lets face it, no one can compare to the person God put on this Earth for you (and their family...yada yada). We all have that one person. Again, that may seem wrong, all I mean to say is...I have THE perfect puzzle, my friends now offer me more than I could ever want and I am eternally grateful, and always always always want them in my life, but I am missing one piece, Michelle. So please, don't be angry or hurt, or judgmental. Just be understanding of a girl who really misses her best friend.

Devon

Just Some Thoughts

Something I'm not sure I'll ever understand is how people can be so mean. I'm not saying I'm the nicest person in the world, and I'm not saying I don't have my days, but some people are just downright mean. I'm talking deliberate, hateful, hurtful, MEAN. Don't misunderstand and think someone is "bullying" me or whatever, this was just something that crossed my mind last night. I just don't get it. Here we are, young adults (or are we adults? What makes you an adult?), and some of us act like we are still in high school and get joy out of other people's pain. I know I've said some mean things to people and have been rude, but geez, some people take it to the extreme! I feel so bad for people who are victims of bullying, it really is so unfortunate. And half the time the people who are so hurtful have NOTHING going for them! Is it jealousy? Lack of an education? All I know is I will raise my kids better than that.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is how fast life changes. Not just growing and aging, but how you can be on the road to going somewhere and then one life changing event happens and you take a left turn instead of right. And its just so crazy because you were never planning on going in that direction, but before you know it, you're already almost there. I'm speaking figuratively (or metaphorically?..literally? Not real sure that correct wording here) if you couldn't tell, but hopefully you catch my drift. It is just hard to wrap my mind around. We really have no control at all, and I don't think we think about life that way. We want to have control. Of our lives, our relationships, career choices..everything. But WE HAVE NONE. Some of you may be thinking DUH Devon, God does, well YES I know that, but I oftentimes let that fact slip my mind. Yeah I want to graduate, get married, move, have a family, so on and so forth..but if God doesn't want me to, then I wont! This is really cliche' what I'm about to say, but we really need to cherish the moment. We may think we have what we want right now, but in ten years are we going to be able to look back and honestly say we did exactly what we wanted to? Or did God intervene somewhere and put us where He wanted us. Just some thoughts.

Devon

One of those days

Today sucks. I'm normally not one to be pessimistic, but geez. I don't feel like things will get better today. First thing when I wake up is check my email and see somehow I overdrafted and it took $178 from my credit card. So I get online and see one of my credit cards charged me twice! I normally pay $400 a month, so they took $800 from my account! $800 I didn't have. $800 I was planning on spending on something else (technically it was only the other $400 that I'm mad about) AND that makes me credit card balance go up even more! ARRGH. The card company told me there was nothing they could do, if I want the money back I have to call the bank and tell them to stop the payment or something like that. I was going to do that, but instead I'm just going to let it be. That way instead of paying $400 a month until February I'll only be paying $330. Thats about the only good thing that came from that fiasco. Then I had to go to Odessa for my 6 week check up and I got lost! I got lost in stupid ugly Odessa. I know I go there every day, but I'm never in that part of town. I hate Odessa. To top it off, I think my stupid eye doctor got my prescription wrong and my left contact is super blurry. This didn't happen today, its been like this, but because everything else has gone wrong its even more annoying. I work in an hour and I pray my night doesn't suck. I obviously need the money even more now, and just do not feel like dealing with anything else negative. I'm just ready to get this day over with.

Sorry for the vent. I get annoyed when people complain all the time, so I understand this could be annoying. But I just had to get it out there.

Devon