Michelle..& other ramblings

Sometimes I read people's post and I think..."Wow, you CANNOT be writing this for you! You are totally trying to write this to seem articulate or smart (or "deep"..depends how you take it..) or something! I mean seriously, ANYONE can use a thesaurus!" Heck, I used shift f7 (which brings up a list of better words than your own) on the majority of my papers, giving me a slightly better vocabulary than the next person, who did not know my trick. But still! I understand people blog for their own reason, but SERIOUSLY!

That may seem so out of focus, but at least I didn't look up proper grammar online! Its sad I started my blog complaining, since that was not at all my intention, but I read someone's (who shall remain nameless) that just got my blood flowing! And honestly their blog had good grammar and all, it was just annoying. Yeah I'm speaking in a hateful matter, I realize that. But God will take that up with me, back off.

These days I find it SO hard to find sincere people. I know more than half (of you 11 followers..) agree. It sucks so bad that you have your best friend in high school and you think y'all will hang out (or at least talk) every day, but of course that doesn't happen. Then you make new friends, but none of them compare. Those of you who know me know exactly who I am talking about. Michelle.

I am SO mad at myself that we are not as close as I have always imagined we would be. I don't blame me, or her, but rather time and maturity. That is not to say one of us is more mature, because deep down I think we will always be the same in that aspect, but I seriously think it was the process of growing up and finding ourselves apart from one another that separated us, and made us into the women we are to become. But now there is NOTHING more that I want than to go back, or at least pick up, where we left off. It is a scary thing, really. It is almost like establishing a new friendship, because we have missed so much! Wouldn't it be nice if we never even lost touch? And I don't think either one of us even realized it! If so, I think (and really, truly hope) that we would have put a stop to it. But that is enough of my whining and complaining, wishing and dwelling on the past. I am on to bigger and better things. Getting my best friend back, and living the life I have ALWAYS wanted...and deserved. I don't want my friends now who are reading this to become upset or hurt with my sudden need for having Michelle back in my life. I don't want them thinking they are not good enough, because my friends now are WONDERFUL friends, but lets face it, no one can compare to the person God put on this Earth for you (and their family...yada yada). We all have that one person. Again, that may seem wrong, all I mean to say is...I have THE perfect puzzle, my friends now offer me more than I could ever want and I am eternally grateful, and always always always want them in my life, but I am missing one piece, Michelle. So please, don't be angry or hurt, or judgmental. Just be understanding of a girl who really misses her best friend.

Devon

Just Some Thoughts

Something I'm not sure I'll ever understand is how people can be so mean. I'm not saying I'm the nicest person in the world, and I'm not saying I don't have my days, but some people are just downright mean. I'm talking deliberate, hateful, hurtful, MEAN. Don't misunderstand and think someone is "bullying" me or whatever, this was just something that crossed my mind last night. I just don't get it. Here we are, young adults (or are we adults? What makes you an adult?), and some of us act like we are still in high school and get joy out of other people's pain. I know I've said some mean things to people and have been rude, but geez, some people take it to the extreme! I feel so bad for people who are victims of bullying, it really is so unfortunate. And half the time the people who are so hurtful have NOTHING going for them! Is it jealousy? Lack of an education? All I know is I will raise my kids better than that.

Another thing that has been on my mind lately is how fast life changes. Not just growing and aging, but how you can be on the road to going somewhere and then one life changing event happens and you take a left turn instead of right. And its just so crazy because you were never planning on going in that direction, but before you know it, you're already almost there. I'm speaking figuratively (or metaphorically?..literally? Not real sure that correct wording here) if you couldn't tell, but hopefully you catch my drift. It is just hard to wrap my mind around. We really have no control at all, and I don't think we think about life that way. We want to have control. Of our lives, our relationships, career choices..everything. But WE HAVE NONE. Some of you may be thinking DUH Devon, God does, well YES I know that, but I oftentimes let that fact slip my mind. Yeah I want to graduate, get married, move, have a family, so on and so forth..but if God doesn't want me to, then I wont! This is really cliche' what I'm about to say, but we really need to cherish the moment. We may think we have what we want right now, but in ten years are we going to be able to look back and honestly say we did exactly what we wanted to? Or did God intervene somewhere and put us where He wanted us. Just some thoughts.

Devon